RE: Updated Seating Chart (4th Floor)
Forwarded by a reader who asked us not to name the company. Names have been changed. Signatures, disclaimers and most of the reply-all noise have been removed.
From: Facilities
To: 4th Floor – All
Subject: Updated Seating Chart (4th Floor)
Mon 8:02 AM
Hi all,
Now that the 4th floor renovation is complete, please find the updated seating chart attached. Your belongings have been moved to your new desk. Please report any issues to Facilities by end of day Wednesday.
Thanks! Pam, Facilities
From: Greg Tolliver
To: 4th Floor – All
Mon 9:47 AM
Small thing, but the chart has someone at 4-17 called “M. Alder (returning)”. Is that a new hire? There’s already a nameplate on the desk.
From: Pam, Facilities
Mon 10:15 AM
Hi Greg, the chart was generated from HR’s list, I’ll check with them. Please don’t reply-all on this thread, everybody.
From: Dana Whitcombe
To: 4th Floor – All
Mon 10:31 AM
I’m at 4-16 and there’s definitely someone at 4-17. Their monitor’s on. There’s a mug. The chair is warm, which, gross. Haven’t seen them though.
From: HR Operations
Mon 1:12 PM
Hi all, we have no current or incoming employee named M. Alder. Facilities will correct the chart. Please do not use desk 4-17 in the meantime.
From: Greg Tolliver
Tue 8:40 AM
The mug is still there and there’s fresh coffee in it. Someone’s been in. The monitor shows a claims queue screen I don’t recognize. The case numbers are like nine digits longer than ours.
From: IT Service Desk
Tue 9:03 AM
Hello, we’ve reviewed the workstation at 4-17. It is not joined to our domain and does not appear in our asset inventory. We’re unable to remotely log it off. A technician will visit today. Please don’t touch the device.
From: Dana Whitcombe
Tue 4:58 PM
IT guy came. He sat at 4-17 for a long time, and when he got up he went straight to the elevator without saying anything. He left his toolkit. Monitor still on.
Also, sorry, does anyone else’s chair face the wrong way in the morning? Like toward 4-17? I keep turning mine back around.
From: Raj Menon
Wed 7:55 AM
Mine too. Every desk in pod 4C is turned toward 4-17 when I get in. I’m in at 6:30, so whoever’s doing it is in earlier than that.
From: Building Security
Wed 11:20 AM
Per Facilities’ request, we’ve reviewed badge access logs for the 4th floor. The only swipe before 7:00 AM this week belongs to badge #00417, issued to ALDER, M., which was swiped at 6:12 AM Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Our records show badge #00417 was deactivated in 1994.
We are looking into how a deactivated badge can be swiped. We would also be grateful if someone could tell us how a badge issued before this building was built came to be in our system at all.
From: Pam, Facilities
Wed 3:30 PM
Hi all, I’ve removed 4-17 from the chart. Corrected chart attached. Please disregard any previous versions.
From: Greg Tolliver
Wed 3:41 PM
Pam, the attachment you just sent still has M. Alder at 4-17. It also doesn’t have me on it. My desk is labeled “vacant.”
From: Pam, Facilities
Wed 3:44 PM
That’s not the chart I attached.
From: Dana Whitcombe
Thu 9:15 AM
Has anybody heard from Greg? His stuff is still at his desk but his nameplate’s gone and his login doesn’t come up in Teams.
Also, the mug at 4-17 has a name on it now. It says WORLD’S BEST DAD. I’m pretty sure that’s Greg’s mug.
From: HR Operations
Thu 10:02 AM
We have no record of an employee named Greg Tolliver. Please direct any further questions to your manager.
From: Raj Menon
Thu 10:09 AM
HR, he’s sat across from me for six years. He’s been on this thread all week. Scroll up.
From: Raj Menon
Thu 10:11 AM
Never mind. I scrolled up.
[The forwarder notes that, in the copy of the thread they saved, all of Greg Tolliver’s messages appear with the sender field blank.]
From: Dana Whitcombe
Thu 4:47 PM
I’m going to say this once on the thread so it’s in writing. I came back from lunch and M. Alder was at 4-17. I saw the back of his head over the partition. He was just sitting there in a gray jacket, working. He was typing so slowly. One key, a long pause, another key, like someone who’d never used a keyboard, or someone who was being very, very careful to get the names right.
I didn’t go around to see his face. I’m working from home tomorrow.
From: Pam, Facilities
Fri 6:12 AM
From: Raj Menon
Fri 8:30 AM
Pam, you sent a blank email at 6:12. Was there supposed to be an attachment?
From: Facilities
To: 4th Floor – All
Fri 8:31 AM
Hi all,
Please find the updated seating chart attached. Your belongings have been moved to your new desk.
Thanks! M. Alder, Facilities
From: Raj Menon
Fri 8:34 AM
I’m not on it. Dana’s not on it. Nobody’s on it. There are forty-one desks on this chart and every one says M. Alder (returning).
Automatic reply: Dana Whitcombe
Fri 8:34 AM
Thank you for your message. I am no longer with the company. For urgent matters, please contact my desk.
Automatic reply: Raj Menon
Fri 8:52 AM
Thank you for your message. I am no longer with the company. For urgent matters, please contact my desk.
The reader who sent this was, they told us, on the 4th Floor – All distribution list for about a week, though they worked on the 2nd floor and never asked to be added. They received the thread above, and then, the following Monday at 8:02 AM, one more message, from Facilities, to an address list they did not recognize. The subject line was Updated Seating Chart (2nd Floor).
They did not open the attachment. They gave notice that afternoon. They say they still sometimes wake at 6:12, for no reason, with the strong feeling that someone is waiting for them to sit down.